The Long Road Home: Published At Last

Excerpt Of Book Taken From The Preface:

I never thought I would ever write a book especially a work of fiction. In fact, I never thought I would write anything other than my name and maybe my date of birth. Growing up I didn’t like school and would attempt to skip whenever possible. As I got older, I also got into my fair share of trouble. Eventually I dropped out of high school, did many unwise, ungodly, and unsavory things. I did have moments of clarity. As an example, I went back to school and received my GED. I did try to live a moral life on occasion, but would end up slipping back into sinful and destructive behaviors. It wasn’t until I became a Christian that things in my life really began to change. Being forgiven and set free from sin radically changes one’s life.

            It wasn’t long after I gave my life to Christ that I had this hunger for the Word of God and desired to tell as many people as possible about Jesus. Within a year – and with the encouragement of Ian McGuiggan, the evangelist who studied with me and eventually baptized my wife and me into Christ – I began taking courses through Sunset International Bible Institute while also beginning to preach on occasion. It was a slow process for me, but eventually I earned an Associate in Biblical Studies and went on to complete the Bachelor of Biblical Studies. I felt compelled to further my training and decided to pursue an MA in biblical or theological studies. The guy who hated school was now enrolling in seminary for a Master of Arts. Who would have believed this?

            I originally intended to work on a Master of Arts in Biblical and Theological Studies but was intrigued by the Master of Arts in Christian and Classical Studies that was being offered. I eventually enrolled in the MACCS program from Knox Theological Seminary.

            The education I received at Knox was eye-opening to say the least. I never read any of the Great Books of the Western World, works such as Plato’s Republic, the City of God by Augustine, Machiavelli’s The Prince, or Dostoyevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov. Knox had such an important impact on my growth and thinking, much more than I could have imagined. It was during my time at Knox that I met Steve Jeck who I eventually nicknamed “Barnabas” (the son of encouragement). What an amazing man! He guided me through my time at Knox like Virgil guiding Dante in The Divine Comedy. He was far more to me than a teacher. He was my mentor.

            After I graduated from Knox, I applied to Liberty University to work on my doctorate in Christian Leadership/Ministry Leadership. Did I mention that I hated school growing up and that I dropped out of high school? The things that God does in a person’s life are amazing.

            After I completed my doctorate, I began thinking about writing. The reality is that I had begun writing The Long Road Home while I was still at Knox. The poetic imagination had gotten ahold of me, but for various reasons the story went dormant for a while. Every so often I would pull it out and type a few words. Then back into the vault it went.

            I finally decided to post a rough draft of the story, a few paragraphs at a time on my Facebook page and to my surprise, there were a few people who enjoyed reading it. That was the final push I needed to rework it and edit it for publication.

I hope that you, the reader, find in this book a story that is at the same time old and familiar as well as new. If you know the Bible, you will likely pick up on some biblical themes and the story of The Prodigal Son that was taken from the Gospel of Luke. And if you have read some of the great works of the Western canon, you will likely find shadows and echoes from some of those works as well.

            My ultimate goal in all of this is to glorify Jesus who is the world’s only Savior. This story is one of redemption that I pray points you to the ultimate redeemer, Jesus Christ. We have all fallen short of the glory of God and need to be rescued. We could never save ourselves, but the good news is that Jesus died for you and me, and in Him, we have redemption and a new life.

You can purchase the softcover or Kindle versions HERE

Dissertation on Transformational Leadership and Spiritual Growth

 

Here is my dissertation on transformational leadership and the spiritual growth of church members from multicultural churches of Christ in the United States. Wow! That's a mouth full. 

My Dissertation

The full title is: 

A CORRELATIONAL STUDY OF TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP BEHAVIOR AND THE SPIRITUAL GROWTH OF CONGREGANTS’ FROM MULTICULTURAL CHURCHES OF CHRIST IN THE UNITED STATES

Enjoy! 

Reading List For 2021, So Far.

    Below are the books that I've read so far this year. One thing that should jump out at you as you skim through the list, I read a wide variety of literary genres. I study martial arts so you will find books related to that subject, but I am also a minister so you will also find books on the topic of theology, philosophy, and productivity. 

    I hope you find some inspiration from the books listed below. 

__________________

 Atomic Habits (audiobook) by James Clear

This book describes how to create lasting habits as well as how to break bad ones. Productivity and self-help. Highly recommended.

 

Empowered by the grace of God by Garth Black

This is a book on the Holy Spirit and his role n the life of Christians. This book takes the position that the Holy Spirit personally and literally indwells the Christ but does not hold the miraculous powers of the Spirit are working in the Christian today to perform healing inspired revelations or any other miracle. This book is a basic listing of scriptures and some basic explanations. 

 

 Fault Lines: The Social Justice Movement… by Voddie Baucham

The current church is facing the onslaught of Critical Race Theory and Critical Social Justice. This book is a phenomenal work detailing and defining the critical issues and terminology utilized by the CRT CSJ. This is highly recommended.

 

 God Work by Randy Harris

This book was ok. It was a smattering of different theological topics and beliefs held by the author. There were some interesting and helpful things found in this book, but in the end, I don’t think I would recommend reading it.

 

 Hidden Lineage by Sean Askew

 

 Leaders Made Here by Mark Miller

This book is on leadership with a focus on how to create a leadership culture where leaders are created and matured. For the most part, this book is geared towards business and corporations, but some of the ideas and suggestions could be translated and used in the church. The book uses a story motif to convey its teachings and ideas. If you struggle to read stories and glen the ideas, this is not for you. If on the other hand you can read this kind of book, it is worth reading. The book is very short and very readable. I recommend it.

 

Ninpo Gairon by Alex Esteve

 

Ninpo Hibun by Alex Esteve

 

  The New Media Frontier by Reynolds and Overton

This book is very dated especially with the topic, it is addressing. The social media explosion is well past where it was when this book was written. That being said, it does contain some helpful suggestions and encouragement for home one might utilize technology to preach Christ and help mold the church and society, or at least be a positive voice in this world for Jesus. Because it is so outdated, I do not recommend it.

 

 The Ninja Way by Ilan Gattegno

 

 

 

 

Why Ministers should read

We live in a day and age when most Americans read, at most, one book a year. About 24% of the population never read even one book in a year. Why? I’m sure there are many reasons why, but my guess is that the increase in audiobooks, podcasts, and video content has contributed to the decline. Recently I posted on Facebook a list of books that I’ve read over the years and asked others to share their reading list, I’m always interested in what others are reading and which books they think are worth reading. I was surprised that most of those who responded named a few specific books or gave a number, but also said that they listened to them and didn’t actually read them. Ok, listen carefully, I love audiobooks and podcasts. I regularly consume video content. I think these things are wonderful and have many blessings, but the reality is that listening to an audiobook is different than reading it. Do they overlap and share similarities? Yes, of course, but again listening is different from reading. Probably one of the biggest differences is that reading is far more active than listening. Listening to an audiobook is much more passive. In fact, because we don’t need to focus as much when listening to an audiobook, we often perform other tasks like driving, working out, or doing the dishes. That’s part of the benefit of listening to things, but if you have ever listened to a book, you have likely drifted, and your attention went wandering somewhere else. The narrator kept speaking and when you finally returned your attention to the audiobook you missed a bunch of stuff. I know this firsthand. Many times, I’ll be listening to a wonderful audiobook and all of a sudden ten or fifteen minutes have passed, and I realize I haven’t been paying attention to the audiobook but daydreaming about something else.

            Now, let’s be clear, the same thing can and often does happen when we read a book, but it is far easier to go back to where we first slipped in our focus and began to wander than it is to stop the audiobook and rewind to the exact place you first started to wander. We can also be a bit passive in our reading habits as well, but, again, reading is far more active than listening is.

            Preachers and ministers of God’s word would do well to assess their reading habits to see if they might benefit from upping the number of books they consume each year. It may very well be that you already read one or two physical books a week and don’t need to increase your reading. If that is in fact you, let this simply be a reminder and an encouragement to keep pressing on. If on the other hand, you find that you could really grow in this area, then let me encourage and maybe even spark you on to reading more books by providing you with some of the scientifically established benefits of reading.        

·         Knowledge: When we read quality non-fiction, we are actively taking in knowledge, learning from scholars and those who are considered top in their fields. Think about sitting down with some of the greatest minds in the field of theology or history and being able to converse with them. In a real way, that’s what we are doing when we read good quality non-fiction books. In fact, we can sit down with people like Augustin, Plato, Dante, or even Calvin and learn from these people from the past who thought long and hard on various subjects. Now, we might not agree with them, maybe not even a little, but having a conversation with these kinds of thinkers will only sharpen our minds and help us to grow.

·         Vocabulary: Reading contributes to our vocabulary. We will likely run across words that we have either never seen before or only have a vague idea as to their meaning. When this happens, we have a great opportunity to grow by examining what that word means in the context that we have just read and/or to pick up a dictionary (or google it) and discover its range of meaning. The reality is that as verbal communicators we need to be able to craft our words in such a way that brings more clarity and light to our preaching and teaching. Not only are we verbal communicators but more and more we minister and interact with members and the broader community through text, blogs, and bulletin articles. Having a broader vocabulary can be extremely helpful. Is there a danger here? Sure, one might become arrogant and utilize big fancy words to try and dazzle those listening and being taught, but arrogance is a danger even if one’s knowledge and vocabulary are limited.

·         Stress Reduction: Believe it or not, reading can reduce stress and counteract depression. Research was conducted that demonstrated that reading for 20 or 30 minutes was more effective at reducing stress than listening to music. How many of us in ministry could use some stress relief? Now, it may not be helpful if we are pressed to read a book for school or as part of a class we are teaching. That may very well produce more stress, but a good book of fiction could help relax us and may even provide some helpful illustrations for sermons or Bible studies. You just never know where an excellent illustration will come from.

·         Empathy: What in the world does “empathy” mean? There’s a fancy word, or maybe not. This just means that one can understand and share the feelings of another. Reading has been shown to increase one’s ability to be empathetic. As ministers you know as well as I do that we are involved with people, their lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Being able to understand and even share in the feelings of those we minister to is extremely important. Connecting with and relating to people we meet is one of the most valuable traits a minister can possess. After all, it is unlikely that visitors will return if the preacher is unable to relate, at least in some small way with them. This is also important for relating to and interacting with those who are already members. I don’t share my hurts with those who are stoic, unfeeling individuals. I want to connect with those and share with those who can, or at least attempt, to share in my sufferings and hurts, as well as my victories and triumphs.

The old saying, “leaders are readers” applies equally as much to the minister. We are leaders who are striving to be more competent and effective in all areas of ministry and reading books can help us develop some important areas of our life and ministry. 

            All of that to say, minister, preacher, pastor, elder, church leader grab some good books from various genres and on different topics, and enjoy, knowing that you are doing something that will have an impact on you personally as well as your ministry.

 

Bibliography & Further Reading

 

Berns, G. S., Blaine, K., Prietula, M. J., & Pye, B. E. (2013). Short- and long-term effects

of a novel on connectivity in the brain. Brain connectivity, 3(6), 590–600. https://doi.org/10.1089/brain.2013.0166

Cain, K. & Oakhill, J. (2011). Matthew effects in young readers: reading comprehension

and reading experience aid vocabulary development. J Learn Disabil, 44(5), 431-43; doi: 10.1177/0022219411410042. Epub 2011 Jul 19. PMID: 21772058.

Duff, D., Tomblin, J. B., & Catts, H. (2015). The Influence of Reading on Vocabulary

Growth: A Case for a Matthew Effect. Journal of speech, language, and hearing research: JSLHR, 58(3), 853–864. https://doi.org/10.1044/2015_JSLHR-L-13-0310

Kidd, D. C. & Castano, E. (2013). Reading literary fiction improves theory of mind.

Science, 342(6156), 377-80; DOI: 10.1126/science.1239918. Epub 2013 Oct 3. PMID: 24091705.

Reading Well (n.d.). Mental Health. https://reading-well.org.uk/books/books-on-

prescription/mental-health/self-help

Rizzolo, Denise & Zipp, Genevieve & Simpkins, Susan & Stiskal, Doreen. (2009). Stress

Management Strategies For Students: The Immediate Effects Of Yoga, Humor, And Reading On Stress. Journal of College Teaching and Learning, 6. 79-88; 10.19030/tlc.v6i8.1117.

Wilson, R. S., Boyle, P. A., Yu, L., Barnes, L. L., Schneider, J. A., & Bennett, D. A.

(2013). Life-span cognitive activity, neuropathologic burden, and cognitive aging. Neurology, 81 (4), 314-321; doi: 10.1212/WNL.0b013e31829c5e8a

 

 

Transformational Leadership Research

 

If you haven’t noticed, the world is becoming far more interconnected with the advances of both technology and transportation it is easy to know what is happening on the other side of the globe. Not only can one see and hear what’s going on in far-off lands, but in your own community, you will likely interact with people from a variety of ethnic, racial, and cultural backgrounds. 

Local congregations are finding themselves in a location that is less and less homogeneous which creates unique challenges for church leaders that are related to evangelism, discipleship, and counseling. Church leaders (i.e., shepherds, ministers, and evangelists) must rise to the challenges associated with multicultural neighborhoods and congregations. 

It was with this challenge in mind that I conducted my doctoral research on transformational leadership and the spiritual growth of members from multicultural churches. What I found was that transformational leadership was the primary behavior utilized by those surveyed. It was also found that all of the multicultural churches examined all showed high levels of spiritual maturity. Although the research could not show a correlation between the two variables it does provide interesting insights into this vital subject. 

In the end, my recommendation is for church leaders to investigate transformational leadership behaviors and strive to grow in this area because there are many benefits for both the leaders and those they lead. 

For those interested in reading the research I conducted with a more in-depth discussion of this topic, related literature, and recommendations you can download my dissertation here:

 https://digitalcommons.liberty.edu/doctoral/2842/

The Long Road Home

 

When Joshua woke up the day was nearly over. He had slept all of the morning away and a good part of the afternoon. He slowly rolled out of bed, head pounding like someone was hammering nails into it, and his breath could light a fire it was so pungent.

 

After brushing his teeth and taking a 45-minute shower Joshua walked into the kitchen only to find his older brother Nathan glaring at him from behind a cup of coffee. "When are you going to grow up" he sneered at Joshua. "OH, SHUT UP!" screamed Joshua. "Why are you here anyway, don't you have your own home, your own coffee?"

 

Back and forth the brothers hurled insults and accusations. Finally, Joshua broke down and started crying. "I HATE YOU, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD" he yelled as he stormed out slamming the door behind him. As he began walking down the street, he saw his father coming. "Oh great!" he exclaimed to himself. Samuel could see his son had been crying and asked, "What's wrong?" Joshua responded with a sniff and a "nothing". "I don't know what's going on with you but we have to talk," Samuel said. "This life you’re living will only end up in a ditch or prison. Listen. I love you, I love you more than you know, but you can't live like this. I love you too much to simply sit around and watch you destroy your life. You're grounded except for work. I just spoke with Albert Monahan who said you could start working for him tomorrow morning at the store. It' doesn't pay much but it's better than what you have now, and I think it will teach you some responsibility."

 

Before his father could finish speaking Joshua broke in "I don't need a job, I have my trust fund and I'm not working for that Jer. And I’m too old to be grounded. I’m a man, not a child." "That money is part of your inheritance for when I'm gone. You and your brother will split that money and hopefully be able to pay for a house or something like that. I'm not going to let you just blow what me and your mother saved for you and Nathan just because you're upset."

"I can't live here anymore, you're cramping my style, you're giving me a headache and you’re just plain killing me" replied Joshua as he walked off in a rage not really knowing where he was going.

 

"Why do you let him speak to you like that?" Tony said. "If that were me, I'd just slap him.", grunted Jason. Joshua was sitting in the bedroom of his friend Tony, listening to some music and nursing his grudge against his father. Joshua was so upset, full of anger and hate that he just sat there listening to his two friends tell him what they would do and what he should do.

Joshua was heading down a dark road that would probably lead to a dark forest. He had started down this path soon after his mother passed away. The pain of losing his mother caused the boy to become bitter and resentful. "All that talk of God is love, junk! Where was God when my mother was lying there suffering! Where was this God of love and power!" These were the thoughts he had soon after his mother's death and while they were still there in his heart, they were buried. He didn't even realize that his anger towards God had eaten away at his relationship with his father and brother.

Joshua felt the pain and hurt, anger and rage building up more and more as his two friends continued to talk. "Let's get out of here and find something to do," he said. "Rachel has some alcohol. I'll call her to see if we can go over". Tony pulled out his phone and began to call Rachel. "Hey, Tony" was the response from the other side of the phone. "What's up?" "Are you busy, we have Joshua here and we need to get drunk," Tony said. Rachel was 23, smart, and a good worker but she liked to party, especially with Tony. She’s had a bit of a crush on him for years. "Sure, come on over," she said.

It was more of a blur, a nightmare really, but those six days finally passed by and Joshua once again woke up with a pounding headache, with crushing pain, not really in his chest but more like his soul, feeling just the way he looked, horrible. He had spent those days sleeping on Rachel's couch and partying the whole time. it was obvious that Rachel wanted her "friend" to go home now. He had basically used up all his "friend" credit and had worn out his welcome. Some say fish and family start to stink after three days. Joshua was twice as smelly and not even a relative.

 

"What now?" he asked himself. "What do I do now? I don't want to go home. All that's waiting for me there is another lecture from my dad. I can't stay here.” Tony had no room at his place and Jason was only 16 living at home with his parents who absolutely despised Joshua.

It took Joshua three hours to finally make up his mind. He was going back home only to pack up his stuff and leave. If his father wouldn't give him access to the money that was his, he would steal some and take off. He was out of there he told himself.

 

His son hadn't been home in five days and it was getting late. He was concerned but knew where his son was. "At least he's not dead in a ditch," he thought to himself. But what could he do? He couldn't force his son to be a man, to shape up. He was 21 after all and really beginning the walk of adulthood.

 

Samuel was not what you might call a prayer warrior. He loved God, prayed daily, and read the scriptures but he never spent any extended time in prayer, until this night.

While his thoughts were swirling around in his head, he began almost unconsciously to pray to God. He started out in the living room and wandered around the house. First into the kitchen and then the bedroom. Going more than once into his son Joshua's room. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and off his chin from time to time.

 

"Father, father" murmured Samuel. "What can I do? I see him going off a cliff and I can't seem to stop him. What do I do?"

 

The night was long for Samuel, filled with prayers to God and broken-hearted cries for his son who seemed too far gone. In the morning Samuel washed up got ready for work, exhausted as he was. But before leaving the house he sat at the kitchen table. Coffee in one hand and the bible in the other, he prayed once more before leaving. "Father, help me to know how to help my son. Give me the wisdom and guidance I need. Do whatever needs to be done in Joshua's life to bring him back to yourself. In Jesus name, Amen". With that, he sipped that last of his coffee, placed the Bible on the shelf, and left for work.

 

He opened the door slowly and with some care, not wanting to alert his father to his presence if he could help it. Before he walked in he listened for a moment. No sound, no "where have you been" from his father, nothing. He quickly entered the house closed the door quietly and made his way to his room. He grabbed a gym bag from his closet and crammed as much stuff as he could fit into it as fast as he could. Old gym shorts, tee shirts, a few pairs of pants, and that thing was full.

 

He had planned to leave without letting his father know, just up and go. He was a man, he didn't need to tell anyone anything, was his thought. But after a few minutes of stuffing things into his bag and thinking he decided to confront his father. He was going to demand his inheritance now, after all, it was his.

 

He threw the gym bag on his bed and sat at his desk chair. He turned on some music and waited till his father came home.

 

Joshua had gotten home at about 4:30, his father was usually home by 5 although on occasion he'd be home at 4 if he had gotten all his work done and wasn't needed. This day was unusual, his father still wasn't home, and it was close to 6:30. "Just like that idiot to work late when I'm waiting for him," thought Joshua. The more time clicked by the angrier and more frustrated Joshua became. It was 6:45 when Joshua heard the sound of his father's car pulling in. He decided to meet his father at the front door. So, with his bag in hand, he marched straight for the front door.

 

As Samuel opened the door, he was a bit startled by the sight of his youngest son standing with his arms folded and an old dirty gym bag by his feet only inches away from the front door. "I'm not staying here anymore. I only came to get a few things and I'm so outta here. But, I'm telling you right now, I want my money, I want my inheritance. You can't keep it from me, it's mine and I'll do with it what I feel like doing" stated Joshua with such animosity in his voice you would have thought he was speaking to some vile reprobate instead of his loving father.

"Sit down for a moment and let's talk," Samuel said pointing to the kitchen table. "I won't keep you long. I know you’re growing up and feel you're ready to live life your own, but I'd like to have a father-son talk first". "I'm not sticking around here so you can yell and scream at me" was Joshua's response. "I've no intention of yelling or screaming. I just want to speak with you for a moment," said Samuel.

 

Joshua was reluctant to have this talk with his father and he really wanted to leave and be upset with him, but the way Samuel spoke persuaded Joshua to sit and listen to what his father had to say.

 

"I know you miss your mother, I do too. I know you're angry and upset but you need to know that being a man doesn't mean doing whatever you want to do. It means giving up your rights for the sake of others. It means doing what's right even when it's the hardest thing to do. It means loving others as you love yourself." Samuel spoke for only about 5 minutes while his son for the first time, in a long time, sat silent, listening to what his father had to say. When Samuel was done speaking he finished by saying "I've decided to give you your inheritance. I don't think it's wise for you to take it and run wild with it and I hope you don't. I love you and want what's best for you but if you really want to have that inheritance now, so be it. Just do yourself a favor and put it in an account and be wise with it. There's no more once that's gone. The rest is Nathan's when I die. So, please, think before you spend it" With that, Samuel pulled a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket and pushed it across the kitchen table towards Joshua.

 

Joshua took the paper and opened it up to find it was a check written out for one half of the inheritance that was supposed to be for him and Nathan when Samuel died. Without saying anything Joshua took the check, stuffed it into his jean pocket, got up from the table, grabbed his bag, and walked out the door.

 

He was the talk of the town, everyone loved him, at least that's what he thought. He was surrounded by all kinds of people, never a dull moment and never alone. "This is the good life”, thought Joshua. "Just think it was only two months ago I left my father's house and look at me now." Joshua was standing on the balcony of a very nice hotel two states away from his father. Joshua had walked out of his father's house two months earlier with that check from his father and he had walked straight to the bus station, bought a ticket, and never looked back.

Once he arrived he quickly made a few friends. Bob was a nice sort of guy but really was only friends with Joshua because of the way Joshua would spend money like it was going out of style and Bob was one who received the benefits of his friend's loose living.

 

Joshua set himself up in the best hotel around. The lobby was sparkling and shined with polished brass and white marbled tiles. “This was the good life”, thought Joshua. As he ascended in the elevator to his suite, he thought to himself, "Man, I've made it". The doors opened to a small private hallway and across from the elevator was his room.

“Tonight… WE PARTY!”, yelled Joshua and that was just what he did. In fact, every night was party time. It’s interesting how many “friends” one seems to have when money is thrown around.

 

In the end, the money that Joshua had didn't last long. He felt like he was on top of the world for a time but that high quickly flew away. He had stopped paying for the room at the hotel and was trying to duck the manager at every opportunity. It wasn't long before the manager simply changed the code to the room and Joshua found himself without a place to stay.

"Dave, it's Josh. Can I crash at your place for a while? I... I'm kind of broke right now." "Ahh... Sure, I guess" said Dave. "Hey, I really appreciate it. Thanks. I'll be over in a few". Joshua hung up the phone and placed it in his pocket. Off he went walking down one street and up another making his way to Dave's place. Dave was a sorry sort of person. He had hung around Joshua while the money was flowing but towards the end, Dave was less and less a presence in Joshua's life, but Joshua didn't see that all those “friends”, especially Dave, were simply good time friends. Those who are happy to be around you so long as things are going well but when the party's over, they make a quick exit.

 

The only reason Dave allowed Joshua to come over was that he was taken off guard. He never thought he would hear from Joshua again never mind asking to stay with him.

 

When the money ran out Joshua could no longer stay at that extravagant hotel. He asked around and found a cheap sleazy place a few blocks away from the Grand Paradise hotel. As Joshua walked to the Palace Hotel the sky dimmed. It looked as if it was about to rain. The air had a chill in it and the wind picked up a bit. With each step, Joshua felt worse and worse. It was as if he was getting sick, but he wasn’t catching a cold. No, this was something different. He turned the corner of Jackson Drive and Woods street and found the small narrow passageway that went between two tall brick buildings.

 

As he continued on, he came to a set of stairs that led down to the entrance of the Palace Hotel. He could barely see the hotel from the top of the stairs. The stairs were crooked and broken with pieces of concrete missings from many of the steps. The handrails were wobbly and stained. When Joshua leaned on it he felt like it would break and send him toppling over onto the ground below. Each step-down Joshua felt a sinking feeling. The buildings around were so tall that they blocked out much of the light. Joshua felt almost as if he had entered a dark wooded area, a forest of sorts, he even thought he heard the sound of some wild animals in the distance. “The wind sure makes funny noises”, he thought to himself. The buildings felt like they were closing in on him and were crushing the very life from his body.

 

Once he reached the bottom of the steps, he saw the grungy neon sign, half-lit up that said "Vacancy". Joshua took a deep breath as he reached for the door and walked in. The first thing that Joshua noticed was the vile smell that hit him in the face. It was so bad he gagged and tried to breathe through his mouth, but even that didn’t help. The air was thick with smoke and the place was dimly lit. Joshua was at the top of the steps that lead down to the lobby where the front desk was. The walls of the lobby reminded him of a cave. They were made of stones almost crypt-like. Each step took him closer to the lobby and further into this "cave".

Joshua asked the man standing behind the counter for a room. The stone-faced yellow-eyed man groaned "You payin by the hour or day, kid?" "By the day", replied Joshua. Joshua handed the manager the money and the yellow-eyed man slid the room key over to him and said, "Down those stairs and to the left, room 9." Joshua walked down another set of stairs wondering how low he could possibly go in this building. It was obvious this hotel if you could call it that, was in the basement of this building but how far underground was it? As he turned the corner, he spotted a small sign on the wall that had just one word "perfidia[1]". Joshua had no earthly idea what the word meant but he didn't like the look of it. His stomach turned like after one gets off the teacups at an amusement park, although this was no Carnival ride.

 

After walking down the hallway a bit, Joshua finally found his room. "Number 9,[2]" Joshua said in a low defeated voice.

 

[1] Latin: perfidia, -ae f treachery, dishonesty.

[2] Dante’s Inferno. The 9th circle of hell is Treachery: The deepest circle of Hell, where Satan resides.

 

John was a shady kind of guy, the kind that would steal from his mother and murder his father if he got in his way.1 He was the wrong kind of person to be hanging around, but Dave was friends with him so Joshua thought "He must be alright". "What do you want?" John asked Joshua. "I need a job, I need to make some money, somehow". "I can arrange that, but you know this ain't no 9 to 5 kind thing, right. You know what I do, don't you?" asked John. "Yeah, I know" Replied Joshua. "Ok, man. If you know what you're getting into, but if you try and get over on me, I'm gonna kill you. You know that right?" Lifting his shirt just a bit so Joshua could see the shine of a chrome-plated nine milometer tucked into his pants. Without a word, Joshua simply nodded his head.

John was a drug dealer who needed someone, someone stupid, to carry his drugs for him. John wasn't the one to get caught carrying large quantities around. In John’s mind, Joshua was just the right guy. Someone who was clearly in need of money while also being so completely afraid of John that he was unlikely to pull any funny stuff with him.

 

The first few times went over with no issues. Joshua, scared out of his mind, took possession of some drugs and delivered them across town to a “friend” of John's named Emily. Emily was a short brown-haired girl who looked almost anorexic. You could tell that she had been a very pretty girl but had been abused and battered by things in life that she was a shell of a person at this time.

 

Joshua would pick up some packages and delivered them to Emily every other week. For doing this Joshua received a small amount of money. Nothing like what he had been given as his inheritance but at this point, it was a lot to Joshua. He usually used most of it on drugs for himself or alcohol, keeping just barely enough and sometimes not enough to pay for the room he was renting out at the Palace hotel.

 

"I need you to go to the old factory building on canal street tomorrow at 8 in the morning and get a package and bring it to Emily. OK?!" John said in a harsh voice. "Yeah, no problem but can I get the money upfront this time? I need it to pay the rent." Joshua asked with a shy and timid sound in his voice while looking down at his torn sneakers. "I don't know, man. I don't know. How do I know you ain't gonna take my money a run?" Came the reply. "I've done this five times already and you never had a problem. I just need to pay the rent or I'm out on the street. Please" asked Joshua. "Don't make me regret this" said John as he pulled out a wad of cash and flipped through it pulling out a few grungy bills and handing it to Joshua.2

 

(1. Oedipus)

(2. Luke 15:14–16)

 

Each dark and gloomy day gave way to the next. The only time Joshua ever felt any kind of pleasure was when he was high or talking to Tiresias . It had been a few weeks since Joshua found himself living in the Palace Hotel and during that time, he had befriended an old homeless man named Tiresias. Tiresias was a vet who had found himself in dire straits after being honorably discharged from the Army. He was old with dirty gray hair and a beard that were unkempt. The only clothes he had were the ones he wore, an old army jacket that had seen better days. A pair of grungy black dress pants and some old ripped sneakers.

 

Tiresias had been homeless and on the streets for years. During that period, he often got violently sick and one harsh winter he got so sick that he went blind in one eye. To look at him would make you turn in panic, but Joshua took a liking to this "wise old man" as he called him. The thing that attracted Joshua to Tiresias was the way he spoke. Tiresias had often slept behind the local used bookstore and on occasion the owner would toss out used books that were badly damaged and couldn't sell. He would often rummage through the dumpster looking for food or the odd book. He found books for children and books on politics, but he once found a book on Plato and Aristotle. More out of pure curiosity he took the book and over the next few years, read and reread that book, and eventually became somewhat of a street philosopher.

 

Joshua really enjoyed talking with the "Old wise man" and arguing with him about the meaning of life, politics, and religion. One day Tiresias asked Joshua where he was going. Joshua replied, "Just to see if I can score some weed". Tiresias said "No, son. Where are you going?" Joshua wasn't sure what he meant. "Are you ok? I told you I'm just heading out to see if I can get high somewhere. Damian might have some stuff." "You know Josh", the old man started. "I've always liked you. You're smart, real smart but sometimes you act dumb. I like talking to you, the Lord knows no one else talks with me. Most turn and walk away as if I didn't exist. Even those so-called friends of yours. But you, you take time and talk with me. Let me give this to you the only way I know how. You're heading down. You need to stop what you're doing and turn back. Go back home. Get out of this place. If you don't the only thing waiting for you is a pine box."

Joshua didn't really know what to say. In some ways he was taken back. Normally they argued and debated issues that were distant but this, this was close to home. "Yeah, I know." Was the reply and off Joshua walked determined to find some kind of drug and forget what that "Old blind fool" had said.

                                                              

Joshua had worked for John for a few months and while things were not all peaches and cream, they were doable, at least that's how Joshua saw things. One day John had an extra-large load for Joshua to move. He wasn't going to Emily's house but to an old, abandoned warehouse on the corner of Prince and Zarathustra. Joshua had in the past a thousand and one goals for his life but today the only goal was to drop off this load and get out of there.

As Joshua walked from the pickup spot to the old warehouse, he thought about what Tiresias had asked him "Where are you going?" The words seemed to pierce his soul. The more he contemplated the question the more pain he felt. What was he doing, where was he going? "Is this really my life?" thought Joshua. "Is this all I am?"

…

Blackness gave way as Joshua slowly opened one of his eyes. His back was cold and wet, and pain was felt all over, most notably in his head. As he slowly sat up and reached for his head, he saw two figures in the distance running away from him. Joshua couldn't tell who they were. They were too far away, and his head was badly hurting. After picking himself up off the ground he slowly began to realize what had happened. He was jumped by two guys and they had run off with the load he was carrying for John.

 

Just then as the blood slowly ran down the back of his head his heart started racing. "John's gonna kill me. What am I gonna do?" Joshua walked back to his room at the Palace hotel each step bringing him more dread and panic. "What am I gonna tell John?"

"How did I get here" thought Joshua. " The room was dark with shadows that resembled demons dancing on the walls, there was a smell of stale cigarettes and alcohol, and a musty smell that almost made Joshua gage. For the last month, he had somehow slid so far down into the pigpen that he was doing some of the most disgusting and vile things in order to make money and pay off the debt he owed for losing that delivery of drugs.

 

The shock, the anger, the self-loathing, and the deep sickness of what he had finally become was too much for Joshua to handle. Lying there on the verge of vomiting he remembered the days long past of living with his father. He had it made. Clean clothing, good food, people who loved him and not just for what they could get from him or for the moment.

"How did I get here!" he screamed. "AGHHHH!!" "Shut up!" came the response from the other side of the wall. The rooms at the Palace hotel had paper-thin walls it seemed. Broken and lost Joshua curled up on the bed and cried himself to sleep.

 

-

The days passed like watching molasses roll down a tree is the dead of winter. Each day felt like an eternity. "Father, my sons. Lord, I desperately want to see them united in love with you and each other. Joshua is gone and I don't know where he's gone to or what's happened to him. Lord, please bless him and protect him. Draw him back to yourself and bring him home to me. Nathan too has wandered from you. I see him daily, but he's grown so bitter and filled with hate. I feel like my two boys have both gone down the same road. One wants nothing to do with you and the other uses you as a tool to hate people. Lord..."

 

The warm light from the sun danced upon his face. It was bright but comforting. He could see the light dancing from the back of his eyelids. He slowly opened his right eye and looked through the slit in the shade at the light from the morning sun. Although the large buildings blocked out the direct sunlight there was enough indirect light to make his otherwise dark room seem bright. The moment seemed so peaceful. In that moment he lost himself. He had no memory of the night before, no thought about who he was or what he was doing. Just a sense of peace and warmth. In that moment a memory, an image, even more than that a feeling and an emotion flashed in his mind that he could actually feel in his very soul: His mother, Rose. How he missed her. He remembered her face, her warm hugs, and her gentle voice. He saw her as beautiful as ever, as vivid as ever. A beatific vision from heaven. And all at once... it was gone.

The thunderous sound of a knock at the door broke the spell. Reality had set in and although the day was still bright and blue, for Joshua hell had returned. A dark gloom showered him as he yelled "Who is it?".

 

A wheezily little voice spoke from the other side of the door. "It's me, man. Open the door. C'mon." Joshua pulled himself from off the bed and pulled his pants on as he hobbled to the door. Joshua quickly opened it and in the rudest most annoyed voice said, "What is it Turtle!" Turtle was a fellow drug user. He and Joshua would often get high together.

 

"I was just wondering if you had anything. I know you got something. Let's just spark a quick splif." "I don't have anything, Turtle. Now leave me alone." With that Joshua slammed and locked the door.

 

Joshua's mind was still fixed upon his mother. Although that beautiful vision had faded, he simply couldn't get her out of his mind. In an instant, before Joshua even knew it tears came rushing from his eyes, a flood of emotion swept over him as he collapsed on his bed and cried like a child.

 

He had lived a long time in the pigpen. He had done things no one should ever have to do. He had abused and mistreated others and he had been abused and mistreated. But that was the end of it. "I'm not gonna stick around here. I'm outta here." With that, Joshua got up walked to the door of room 9 and walked out. Down the hallways called perfidia. Up and out the front door of the cave and into the dark alleyway. One step at a time Joshua climbed the stairs and with each step, the climb felt a little easier. It was as if he threw off an old burden with each step. The air seemed sweeter and lighter. The darkness became a little brighter the closer he got to the top of the stairs.

 

When he finally reached the top, he looked up into the sky and saw the most dazzling bright sky. No clouds and the sun felt so warm.

 

Joshua lost himself in the moment for what seemed like an eternity. But all of a sudden, he heard the voice of an old friend. "Why are you looking up in the sky?" asked Tiresias. "What you looking for?" "It just felt… so good… the sun on my face. I feel like I haven’t seen it or felt it’s warmth in years”, Joshua said with a relieved and almost gitty ring in his voice. “I'm going home. I'm outta here, man." Joshua said with resolve. Tiresias nodded his head. "Why are you just standing there, get on home”. Joshua said, "I, I just can't get over how good this feels." Tiresias put his arm around Joshua and whispered in his ear "Look at where you've come from" turning him around so he could look at the Palace hotel at the bottom of those narrow stairs. "Now go home where you belong".

 

With that, the two friends hugged, and Joshua was off. He had no money for a bus ride, so he walked. Home was 40 miles away, but each step Joshua took was one step closer to freedom. Each step felt like one less burden to bear. He wasn't naive, he knew what he had done and how he had treated his father and brother, but he was heading home.

 

He was standing on his porch drinking a cup of coffee and staring off into the distance. This had become his daily habit, his ritual in a sense. Samuel would spend the beginning of every day and end of every day doing the same thing, looking down the road in hopeful expectation that he might see his son coming home.

 

"Father, I miss Joshua. I desperately miss my son. I don't know if he's alive or dead." Samuel prayed in silence.

 

Each day Samuel spent working hard as he always did, but more and more he became engrossed in prayer. It wasn't always about his son, he would pray and thank God for the food he ate or for the home he had. He would pray for his son Nathan, who he felt was falling further away from, not only God but also his family. He prayed to God and found inner peace and joy knowing that Jesus was walking with him through this tough time. Things didn't always go well and with his boys both running away from the presence of God he had many nights of sleepless sorrows but even in all of the pain and heartache, he found peace in Jesus. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t prayed in the past it simply intensified. Some might think it strange how his relationship with God strengthened during this painful period when one might have thought it would grow cold.

 

He had walked all day. Night was setting in. "Where am I gonna sleep?" He asked himself. There was an overpass just up ahead. Joshua decided he'd climb up under the bridge and spend the night there. "At least I'll be dry if it rains." Joshua had spent many a night in far worse places than that. As he got closer, he noticed that there were others already congregating under the bridge. A handful of people were all huddled around a very small fire that was burning in a large coffee can. Just enough heat to warm their cold hands and throw off small a amount of light.

 

"Is it alright if I spend the night with you guys?" asked Joshua. One girl who was very thin from not having much to eat and whose skin was blackened with grime nodded and said

“Sure". She was usually quite leery of strangers, but Joshua was clearly of no danger to her. He himself looked almost anorexic. His face had once been full but now was sunken in and he simply looked frail.

 

"Thanks. I won't bother anyone" Said Joshua and with that he crawled to the top of the underpass and settled in for the night. He was still thinking about home. Just the word "HOME" brought a flood of joy to his heart. He had been away for so long, way too long and had done way too much. But "home". He kept thinking about home as he slowly fell asleep without even noticing.

 

The Long Road Home by James Chaisson

Entry: 16

Joshua woke up to a slight nudge. Natty was sitting next to Joshua and was poking in order to wake him up. "Hey, wake up." She whispered. He opened his eyes to see that dirt covered girl who had let him sleep under the bridge the night before staring at him. Her voice was so soft and tender, so alluring. There was just something about her voice that made Joshua get up and want to listen to her.

            "What's up?" replied Joshua. "Hey, you wanna get somthin to eat?" she asked in a somewhat playful way. "Sure" replied Joshua. "There's a place down around the corner. Let's go" She said.

            As the two started to walk down the street together Natty turned to Joshua and said "I'm Natty. What's your name?" "Joshua" he said, wiping his face with his hands and yawning.

            Natty was short for Natalie, she was only sixteen but had been on the streets since she was ten. She had learned a lot from those six years. The number one thing she learned was, get what you can, when you can, however you can.

            As they turned the corner Natty pointed to a store that was a few buildings down. “We can get somethin to eat there”. As they approached the store Natty went in first and Joshua followed. They both went down the same aisle. Joshua didn't say anything he just followed Natty. "Here, take this." She said. Put it in your jacket." "I'm not doing that" Joshua said in an irritated voice. "You don't have any money?" "Just calm down and take it. I do this all the time these people are idiots. Just take it!" She said in an angry whisper, but Joshua didn't take the package of donuts she tried to hand to him. He was a little confused. It wasn’t as if he had never taken anything before, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t committed far worse crimes. But this wasn’t who he wanted to be anymore. He was going home, he was determined to change his life.

            He turned around and started to walk out when Natty ran by him like an Olympic sprinter and was out the door before he knew what had happened. The store clerk yelled "Stop!" but she was gone. Before Joshua knew what was going on, he was grabbed by the arm by the manager.

            "What's up? Why are you grabbing me?" said Joshua annoyed that he was being treated like he stole something. Sure, he had stolen many a times in the past but not now. Joshua pulled away and started to run for the door, but the door was blocked. Another store employee was blocking the way and Joshua overheard a third on the phone with the police. "Shoplifting" was the only word he heard. His head began to spin and all he could think of was "How am I gonna get outta this mess?"

            A street cop was working the area when he got the call and was at the store in under a minute. Joshua was now in the back of a patrol car headed down to the police station. Natty had stolen from this store on a number of occasions but she had also stolen from the other local stores. Joshua was an accessory and was going down for her crimes.

            All he wanted to do was get back home and now it felt like his ship had been blown off course and crashed into the rocks. "The fates are all against me" he shouted in his head. "Why did I go with her? Why did I stop last night? Why didn't I just keep going?" Joshua shouted out loud. He was frustrated and angry. "Shut up kid. This is your own fault" came the reply from the front of the car.

            The officer who was questioning Joshua was an older man with salt and pepper hair. He was a somewhat round man who looked like he enjoyed his donuts, but he was a kind man, at least he seemed kind to Joshua. "Here kid." Joshua was handed a cup of coffee and a donut. "Now tell me what happened?" the office said in a calm and almost happy voice.

            "I don't even know that girl. I'm trying to get home and I met her last night. I don't know why I followed her. I was hungry and she asked if I wanted something to eat. I didn't know she was gonna steal that food. She tried to get me to steal some, but I didn't. I just wanna get home." Joshua broke down. His head in his folded arms on the desk. It was as if he would never get home. Why even try? Was this his life, destined to live far from home, a criminal, an outcast?

            He cried so much that the desk was wet. The officer placed his hand on Joshua's shoulder and said "Son it's going to be ok. But I need you to take a breath and then tell me what happened." Joshua wiped his face took a sip of the coffee and began again.

            He was held for about two hours and then was released. He hadn't stolen anything but he had been with Natty, so he was held and questioned but in the end they had no reason to keep him.

As he stepped out of the police station he looked around. It was getting dark. It was only one in the afternoon, but a storm was rolling in. The wind was starting to pick up as well. Joshua was emotionally battered but not defeated. His desire to get home was stronger than ever. He wouldn't let anything stand in his way. "I ain't stoppin for no one and nothin" Joshua said out loud. And off he walked.

            Joshua figured he could make it home if he just kept walking all through the night, and he was determined to do just that. After about an hour of walking the rain started coming down and at first it was light, nothing too bad but after about another hour of walking the storm had made it look like it was night and the rain really began to fall. He was not only drenched and cold, but the rain attacked him, it felt like small pebbles battering his body.

            Were all the forces of nature against him? He was cold and tired but still he walked on. The only thing that got him through was that constant image of home. He walked all night in the rain, legs feeling like cement pillars, each step was slow and painful, he was exhausted. Anyone else would have stopped for a while, taken a rest and then continued on, but not Joshua, there was something deep inside that kept driving him forward in spite of how his physical body felt.

It was almost sunrise when the rain finally stopped. As he walked, he could tell that the sun would peak its head over the horizon in a few minutes. The sky was beginning to get lighter. Soaked, cold, and exhausted Joshua turned on to his street. He was getting closer to his father's house. A flood of emotions rolled over him as he took in the sight of the houses around him.

            He had played in the backyard of some of these houses. He had ridden his bike up and down this very street. His eyes welled up with tears that he held back. And as he got closer, he rehearsed in his head what he would say to his father when he got home.

            Samuel had just finished getting ready for the day. He had his Sunday best on with his coffee in his hand. He had about a half hour before he needed to leave for the church service. Coffee in hand, Samuel walked out onto the porch and began his daily routine of silent prayer and gazing down the street.

            The sun was just coming up on that Sunday morning when in the distance Samuel saw someone walking down the road. He imagined in his mind that this was his son. He had finally come home after all this time. Samuel's heart filled with emotions, happiness, relief, surprise, joy. But it was probably just one of the neighbors out for a morning walk, he thought to himself. As Samuel continued to watch the figure get closer, he noticed that it looked like a young man. He kind of walked like Joshua…

… In one powerful moment his heart pounded with the force of a hammer striking an anvil. Samuel dropped the coffee from his hand, stood straight up and leaned over the porch. "Could it be?" he said in a low voice. "Is that my son?" Samuel watched with and intensity that took over his whole body. "It… it’s my son!" He shouted. Samuel took off like a rocket. He was down the porch stairs and out of his driveway before you could blink. Full speed Samuel ran, his heart pounding, his mind racing, tears rolling down his face.

            Joshua looked up the road where he could now see his father's house and he saw someone running full speed towards him, in a suit no less. "Dad?!" Joshua said in disbelief. It was his father running down the road "Joshua, my son!", Samuel screamed. He ran up to his son out of breath and sweating like crazy. Joshua looked his father in the eyes and began crying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was a terrible son..." Samuel stopped him from saying another word. He embraced him with a grip that was so strong it hurt just a little. He quickly took off his suit coat and put it on his son. And they walked back to the house, Samuel’s arm firmly around his son as if to make sure he wouldn’t lose him again.

            Nathan was all dressed up in his Sunday best and was just about to head off to the church building when he got a call from his father letting him know that his brother was home. This he couldn’t believe. He wasn’t happy that Joshua was back. He was irritated and angry. The voice of his father seemed to be excited, happy, gitty almost. “How could he be happy that that wicked boy is back. What more could he want?” Nathan asked himself as he got ready to confront his brother, AND his father for being a FOOL to let that son of his come home, with open arms no less.

            He opened his father’s door in disbelief that his younger brother was sitting there at the kitchen table, looking like a train had run him over. He could even smell him from the door. “What are you doing here”, Nathan asked with the most arrogant, aggravated voice you have ever heard. Joshua said nothing but dropped his head. Samuel quickly got up to talk with his son, but Nathan wouldn’t come in. He turned and began walking away.

            “What’s wrong?”, Samuel asked as he followed him out the door. “Aren’t you glad your brother’s home?” “Are you kidding? The way he treated you and now he comes crawling home probably looking for some money and you’re just going to let him come home? Are you stupid?” Was the reply from Nathan. The anger and animosity were seeping from his pours he was visibly upset, and his face even turned bright red.

            Samule pleaded with his son, but Nathan wasn’t having any of it. He determined in his heart that he was never going to forgive Joshua and began to walk off. Samuel, brokenhearted over Nathan’s reaction turned and went back inside.

            Nathan full of self-righteous indignation and still fuming with anger stormed off the porch, but before he stepped down on to the stairs that led out into the yard and off the property, he paused and took one last glance in at Joshua through the window…

And in that moment, he saw his mother Rose in his brother’s face. He hadn’t noticed it before, but Joshua resembled his mother. A flood of emotions swept over him like a wave of water which almost knocked him off his feet. He felt almost as if he was drowning, he gasped for breath and then his eyes filled, and his heart began to pound. The anger, animosity, and resentment all faded and before he even knew what he was doing he turned around and placed his hand on the doorknob.

            Samuel and Joshua heard the turning of the doorknob and glanced over as the door began to slowly open.

The End!